It's so simple

I remember back then.. At the time when I didn’t even know how to spell letters into words..

People said at that age we often kept unimportant yet significant emotional things at our sub-conscious. And when we grow up, forget many things, but the fragments somehow, suddenly appear when we least expected. As vivid as yesterday’s story…

She always travels a lot,

She didn’t really like being at home for a whole day..

But I manage to adapt..

It’s okay.. because there’s always that ritual..

The thing that I must do before she left early in the morning..

A simple Goodbye-wave..

Yes, only a wave.. It’s such a simple thing, so I am sure I would always have it..

She won’t go if I haven’t wave her goodbye..

I’m sure..

(or that is what I thought)

But that day, she was in a hurry..

So she left without that ritual..

When I realize that, she already left

I burst out into tears,

I yell many times (though I know she can’t listen)

Ask her to get back because I haven’t wave her goodbye yet

She just shouldn’t be leaving without me waving her goodbye..

She shouldn’t..

It’s just a simple thing..

She should know that..

But I guess she did not…

It’s such a long time since that day. I don’t know why i still remember it. But what I do know is that, few days a go I found myself again having that kind of feeling..

I thought it was just a simple request, they should let me have it

I’m sure..

So when I’m not,

Again, I burst into tears, no yelling this time,

Just awfully blaming..

That is when I remember that day as vivid as yesterday. I know there’s something wrong..

I guess it’s the way You remind me of that little mess inside of me right? :) Well, no one said that everything is perfectly fixed, not until everything is revealed.. Somehow, I know, it’s not right. I know there’s a bigger picture other than that simple thing. You have showed me much :)

Did you know that sometimes, people who felt that they can’t have things that other ordinary people have, often demand other people to substitute things that he/she can’t have? Sometimes it is an extreme demand, or sometimes just a simple thing. They want it all to be fulfill for that is what is fair for them. But actually all of that is an expression of blaming people for things that they can’t have in this world. For things that people do not have any responsible to..

Lord You showed me that I’m still selfish inside ..

You teach me one more time, to release that little fragment,

You made me see that I can’t blame people for simple things, they did not know, and even if they know, still, it’s a simple thing…

It can’t substitute anything. It’s me who need to change..

For every little things that I demand, let it just be a simple thing..

No more than that…

For I want to learn to accept my life sincerely…

Because I know that You are within me :)